Internet Humour : Travel Jokes

        Travel  Jokes       

A tourist is traveling with a guide through one of the thickest jungles in South America, when he comes across an ancient Mayan temple. The tourist is entranced by the temple, and asks the guide for details. To this, the guide states that archaeologists are carrying out excavations, and still finding great treasures. The tourist then queries how old the temple is.“This temple is 1503 years old”, replies the guide. Impressed at this accurate dating, he inquires as to how he gave this precise figure. “Easy”, replies the guide, “the archaeologists said the temple was 1500 years old, and that was three years ago”

A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, “Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large”.

Then they walk around the ranch a little and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, ” We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows”.

The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asks, “And what are those”?

The Aussie asks with an incredulous look, “Don’t you have any grasshoppers in Texas”? 

Last summer, the President and Mrs. Clinton were vacationing in their home state of Arkansas. On a venture one day, they stopped at a service station to fill up the car with gas. It seemed that the owner of the station was once Hillary's high school love. 

They exchanged hellos, and went on their way. 

As they were driving on to their destination, Bill put his arm around Hillary and said, "Well, honey, if you had stayed with him, you would be the wife of a service station owner today." 

She smirked and replied, "No, if I had stayed with him, he would be President of the United States." 

Murphy's Travel Laws

1. No flight ever leaves on time unless you are running late and need the delay to make the flight.
2. If you are running late for a flight, it will depart from the farthest gate within the terminal.
3. If you arrive very early for a flight, it inevitably will be delayed.
4. Flights never leave from Gate #1 at any terminal in the world.
5. If you must work on your flight, you will experience turbulence as soon as you touch pen to paper.
6. If you are assigned a middle seat, you can determine who has the seats on the aisle and the window while you are still in the boarding area. Just look for the two largest passengers.
7. Only passengers seated in window seats ever have to get up to go to the lavatory.
8. The crying baby on board your flight is always seated next to you.
9. The best-looking woman on your flight is never seated next to you.
10. The less carry-on luggage space available on an aircraft, the more carry-on luggage passengers will bring aboard.
11. It always takes longer to get there than to get back.
12. If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets.

Travel Quotes

Travel  Quotes ---

• “Don’t tell me how educated you are, tell me how much you've traveled.”– Mohammed

A Tryst with Enchanting Orient : Part 2

            “Travel is like love, mostly because it’s a heightened state of awareness, in which we are mindful, receptive, undimmed by familiarity and ready to be transformed. That is why the best trips, like the best love affairs, never really end.”— Pico Iyer

   Thursday, five days since we left Mumbai, we landed in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia’s capital, largest city and cultural centre. Its most modern Sepang International Airport is so vast that we had to actually take a mini-train to go to the Baggage Claim area! Kuala Lumpur is a beautiful, modern city with blooming gardens and lush green lawns on either side of broad, clean roads.

K.L. Tower, Kuala Lumpur

        
Our new guide, a Mr.Yogi took us for lunch to an authentic Punjabi Dhaba, complete with cramped Toilets, noisy dining hall, oily vegetables, Naan and even a Sardarji manager, but, alas, no Lassi! After lunch, we were taken around on a city tour and shown King’s Palace (a replica of Buckingham Palace) and Merdeka Square, the heart of KL, with its modern, multi-storey office buildings, luxury hotels and shopping malls. We also visited Jamed Masjid, Sultan Abdul Samad Building where Malaysia’s Federal Court sits, National Monument (a war memorial), Parliament House and the 240m high, KL Tower, which is the world’s 4^th tallest tower. We could get a panoramic view of the city from its circular observation deck. Then, we had a small stopover at the base of the world famous Petronas Twin Towers, which presently ranks as the World’s second tallest building. For security reasons, no tourists are allowed to enter the building, probably a 9/11 effect! However, wherever you go in Kuala Lumpur, you just can’t miss the towers, haunting you so endearingly. At night, when the tower illumination was switched on, we had such a wonderful, breath-taking view from our hotel room that we invited everyone to come and share the pleasure.

Petronas Towers, Kuala Lumpur

        The next stop in our itinerary was Genting Highlands, an extremely popular hill-resort just an hour’s drive from Kuala Lumpur. En-route, we stopped at Batu Caves, the site of a Venkateswara shrine and a place of pilgrimage for the local Hindus. But, we had to climb some 270 steps to get the ‘darshan’!

Batu Caves, K.L

      

Cable Car to Genting Highlands

  From the Genting foothills, we took a cable car ride to the hilltop resort while enjoying a panoramic view of the lush green tropical rainforests below. At the top, some 6000-ft above sea-level, there is much to enjoy amid the cool mountain greenery and stunning views. The resort itself, is a veritable feast of pure entertainment what with half a dozen hotels and restaurants which cater to almost every culinary taste under the sun. After lunch in an Indian restaurant, we went to the Outdoor Theme Park, which had several fabulous fun games like Vintage car ride, Roller Coaster ride, Merry-go-round, Jurassic Park, Space Adventure and forty other thrilling items. For those with awagering streak, there was also a world-class casino with all the usual slot machines, Jackpots, roulette wheels etc., that it is sometimes called the ‘Monte Carlo’ of Malaysia. In the evening, we witnessed yet another entertainment show, Fantastica --- a non-stop performance by skilled acrobats, jugglers and trapeze artists that would have had my grandsons thrilled no end!

Therme Park, Genting Heights

Therme Park, Genting Heights

 








         

Mustafa Centre, Singapore

       
          Singapore is a clean, beautiful city of generous lush greenery and tree-lined avenues with colorful flowerbeds in the middle serving as road dividers. Sleek new skyscrapers dominate the skyline, though you do see a few old, traditional, stately colonial buildings popping out in some places. We had had a very tiring day with a long bus ride from Kuala Lumpur, but the city, somehow, seemed to have suddenly rejuvenated all of us. When Remmie, our local guide announced that Mustafa Market, a huge shopping Mall near-by is open all night, some ladies sprang up a wonderful idea of a visit after dinner!

Monorail in Jurong Bird Park

Jurong Bird Park,  Singapore

          

   

        





            Sight seeing, next morning, began with a monorail (called Panorail) ride at Jurong Bird Park, where we could explore a huge “walk-in” aviary with many brilliantly colored birds and the world’s tallest, man-made waterfalls inside. Some 8000 different species of birds including some very rare ones are found in very natural surroundings in this veritable paradise. Following an Indian lunch at the sanctuary, we watched the Bird Show, in which birds zoomed past over our heads as they soared into the sky. We saw them sing, talk, swim and perform incredible feats such as riding a bicycle or painting Modern art on paper!

Jurong Bird Park,  Singapore

At the Singapore Discovery Centre, we could learn something about Singapore’s past and present achievements as well as their future aspirations. We also had a thrilling experience in a Motion Simulator ride that I will never forget. After we had tightened our seat belts, the seat and the entire theatre slowly began to vibrate, then moved and swerved violently as we thrilled to a very realistic ride, on a gigantic screen, in a speeding jeep, tank, helicopter and even a jet fighter plane! For ten full minutes, we had virtually participated in an actual terrifying battle of the modern warfare!

Night  Safari, Singapore

Night  Safari, Singapore

             













           Most animals are basically creatures of the night and we could watch their nocturnal activities in a Night Safari through a tropical rain forest. Sitting in an open tram, we explored an 8-km long animal trail while listening to a lively running commentary. It was a truly unique experience catching glimpses of leopards and tigers hunting their prey, wild cats catching live fish, free-flying wild bats and lemurs. We also witnessed a unique Nocturnal Animals Show, which had trained animals give us lessons in environmental ecology! In the middle of the show, a puny little lady started searching frantically for her missing pet, which, hold your breath, turned out to be a long, yellow python!

Underground Metro Train

             
      Another unique experience we had in Singapore was a round trip in its metro underground train. The train has quite wide carriages with only lengthwise seats on either side. You can see right down the train, an interesting sight when it goes round a curve. It was full enough with people standing in the aisles, who unlike in India seemed to observe a sort of revered silence. The trains as well as the ticketing machines are all fully computerized with no railway staff anywhere in sight. The platform gates open automatically as you slide your magnetic ticket through the sensor slot. There are sliding doors at the edge of the platform, so you can’t even see the rails. It would have certainly been utterly confusing, had our genial tour manager not been escorting us.   

Sentonsa  Island

        
       After lunch, we took a cable car from Mount Faber to Sentosa Island just across the Singapore creek. Sentosa, which means peace and tranquillity, is just what its name suggests.  As we crossed the creek, we could get a fabulous, aerial view of the island and port of Singapore. The island has a wax museum, Images of Singapore, which we visited and learnt a little of about its historical background --- its pioneers, surrender of the British army during World War II and the festivities of its different communities. We took a monorail ride around the island to see its beautiful, 3-km long Siloso Beach, Sentosa Orchid Gardens and the 37m-tall sculpture of Merlion. The new Sky Tower with its rotating glass cabin affords you with an aerial view of not just Santosa but surrounding vistas as well. 

Underwater  World

Musical  Fountain

               

We then went to the Underwater World oceanarium to see the colorful marine life --- sharks and a variety of other fish under actual oceanic conditions. The final climax of the evening was the fabulous Musical Fountain and Fire Show in which we got transported for a full half-hour into the spectacular world of colorful lasers, water jets and fiery flames. Realistic images of favorite cartoon characters like Kiki and his friends are projected by means of lasers on gigantic, 7-storey high Water screens. The show was simply marvelous and awe-inspiring --- perhaps, a fitting finale to our most enjoyable trip of the Far East. It was indeed an exhilarating experience that we will cherish for the rest of our life.

Mer-Lion at Santosa Island

   

                                     

Musical  Fountain

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