She
was exquisitely beautiful. She had sharp features and an almost flawless
complexion with lush golden locks flowing across her large, sparkling eyes. She
had a bewitching smile that revealed a secret dimple on the left chin. There
was a certain ethereal quality about her, which had the strange power to melt
any male heart. Simply, she was a ravishing beauty!
It’s in the very nature of man to
appreciate God’s all truly beautiful creations. But, wives somehow don’t seem
to appreciate this simple fact of life that they won’t even grant him an
innocent, vicarious pleasure of a mere “visual”! Ouch! I was rudely awakened
from my reverie by a smart kick delivered under the table by my beloved wife.
We were on a holiday in Bhubaneshwar and just relaxing in the hotel lounge when
I was thus preoccupied and my wife kept pestering me about her shopping plans
for the next day. “Just what do you see in her, Stupid? ” she chided me. “I've
been talking to you for the last ten minutes and you just sit there eyeing that
damsel like a hungry wolf!” Whoever said
that a thing of beauty is a joy forever must have been a bachelor! I was spared further ordeal, as I had to
attend to a phone call at the reception desk
When I returned to the lounge after
a while, I had a very pleasant surprise waiting for me. The beautiful girl in
question had now landed at our table and was talking with my wife! Already, the two
ladies were deeply engrossed in a tête-à-tête like two old, long lost friends and my
wife was beaming with joy!! Miss Monica Das, it seemed, was a Tourist Guide and
had offered to show us round Bhubaneshwar the next day. What’s more, she knew a
place where one could shop around for Odissi sarees and filigreed silver
jewelry!!!
We left the hotel early next
morning, along with Monica, to visit places of interest like Konark, Kalinga,
Jaganath Puri etc. After the visits, we had a delicious lunch at Hotel Kalinga.
In the afternoon, I felt so drowsy that I decided to return to the hotel alone,
leaving the ladies at the Mall to enjoy their shopping spree. In the evening, I remained in the hotel room
waiting for them to return, when suddenly there was a light knock on the door.
I opened the door to find Miss Monica standing there alone with all smiles,
half a dozen shopping bags in her hands and no trace of my wife! To my raised
eyebrows, she responded saying that my wife had gone straight to attend a Sarod
recital by Amjad Ali Khan in the main hall and that she had opted out as she
didn’t like “that classical stuff”, anyway. As she started describing their
shopping adventures, I soon discovered that Monica was as vivacious as she was
beautiful.
Then, all of a sudden, without a word
of warning, she leaped straight into my bed giving me a charming smile and
barely missing me by half an inch! “I did right, didn’t I Uncle?” she asked
pouting her sensuous lips and flapping her large, mascaraed eyelids. Moving closer to me, while I went dizzy with
the faint whiff of her exotic perfume, she flashed her endearing little smile
again and then with a come-hither look in her eyes, she teased “Uncle, old
Naughty Boy, what were you upto during lunch? Hmm, I saw you ogling at me like a hungry wolf !” Then, in a jiffy,
without much further ado and before I could even say Lewinsky, she was all over
me! God, this was not something I had bargained for!! I gulped nervously and
wondered what Clinton would have done under such circumstances.
Now, while I won’t deny having a
roving eye for beauty, I am no Casanova or an infatuated philanderer for that
matter. Perhaps, I have been a little indiscreet sometimes, but infidelity was
the last thing on my mind. Believe it or not, like Lord Rama, I have been all
along a veritable one-woman man. Now, I was not going to allow this silly girl
to mar my clean record and reputation. Moreover, which sane husband in his
sound mind will ever risk his wife walking in any time and catching him in such a
compromising situation? So, carefully liberating
myself from her hold, I pushed her away and said “Errr! What are you doing,
Baby? You are like a daughter to me!” By
now, I was panting for breath and sweating profusely like a bottle of chilled
beer! I felt my blood pressure was going up; so, I popped a few tranquilizer pills into my mouth. Monica, now chastened
and somewhat anxious, ran to the refrigerator and fetched me a glass of water
and offered me a piece of toffee saying, “Take this, Uncle. It will make you
feel much better”. But obviously the toffee had coffee or something in it, because, as soon as I took the first bite I was feeling terribly sleepy!
“Eeeeek!” It was my wife’s shrill
shriek that woke me up. When I opened my eyes, I found her squatting on the
floor amidst empty suitcases and shopping bags! “We have been ROBBED!” my wife
screamed, “Oh! All those beautiful sarees and jewelry I bought yesterday are GONE!! And all along, you STUPID, you have been sleeping like a log of wood.” Then, I
did another most foolish thing: I asked her where Monica was and my wife’s
wrath knew no bounds. We looked for Monica all over the place and even inquired
with the Tourist Information office, but to no avail. They had no tourist guide
by that name, Monica Das, ever registered with them. Next morning, we lodged a
complaint with the local police, who told us that from all available clues, it appeared
to be the handiwork of one Moneckda --- a notorious conman operating in the
region, whose modus operandi it was to masquerade himself, more often than
not, as a beautiful woman and rob the poor, unsuspecting travelers in hotels.
Ah, what a relief! Monica was not a
woman, after all !! Thank God for little mercies.
